Just Call Me Dad

“The Shrine Circus is in town!”

This news was relayed to me by Nick’s Mom on Saturday morning when she got back from a hair appointment. Well, of course we’re going to go; kids love the circus!

This was one of those situations where parents use their children as an excuse to do something they want to do, but feel stupid doing as adults. You know, like buying Lego when your child is too young to use them, or buying an Air Hogs R/C Helicopter because “it will entertain Nick.”

So, the family packed into the truck for a fun-filled afternoon of watching circus performers do their thing. I’m sure there is more than one group of circus performers for the Shrine Circus, but the group that visited our hometown did a great job. One thing I really noticed was how many jobs each performer did at the show. For example, the Russian jugglers were also the elephant trainers and the Brazilian dancers, but it was still fun. You definitely get your money’s worth. The show lasted every minute of three hours (including the intermission); it was actually too long in my opinion.

Surprisingly, Nick did alright. He watched some of the performances (elephants, horses, and the guy on the high-wire swing), and he cried some too. The tent was really hot, and he was tired, so his behaviour wasn’t perfect, but it was pretty good, and I was quite proud of him when we left.

I remember going to the circus once as a child, however, the only thing I remember of the circus was not being allowed to ride the elephants. This was definitely a Saturday done right.

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Saturday Nick and I went to McDonalds for lunch.

I had a Big Mac Meal, and I ordered Nick a Happy Meal. That was pretty cool. Chicken fingers, french fries, and a milk.

I recall going to McDonalds with my dad as a child. The Happy Meal was a staple for kids in the early 80’s (and today, I suppose). The little bag, the food, the toy… it was fun.

I think there are two REALLY cool things about being a Dad. The first is the ability to try and make right all the wrongs that we experienced as a child. This can be bad (as with all the dads who never got to play hockey as a child, and so force their kids to play even when they don’t want to), but it can also be good (like playing catch with your son when your dad was always too busy, or buying your son the big Tonka dump truck you always wanted).

The second REALLY cool thing is simply sharing your happy childhood memories with your kids. This could mean watching all of your favorite movies, reading your favorite books, or going to the neighbourhood swimming pool.

Or, taking your son to McDonalds for his first Happy Meal.

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This story has three parts.

Part 1

On Friday night I read an article about how to discipline kids (unfortunately, I can’t seem to find the article again, but if I do, I will post a link for you). To summarize, the author suggested that parents need to learn the difference between a BEHAVIOUR PROBLEM, and a SITUATIONAL PROBLEM. This difference might seem trivial - if your child is misbehaving, your child is misbehaving, right? Well, perhaps not. The author went on to say that if we learn to file our child’s behaviour under the correct title, we can learn to deal with the situation better. Interesting.

Part 2

Saturday afternoon Nick and I went to run a few errands. The last errand was a visit to Staples to pick up a new thumbdrive. In Staples, Nick saw a Thomas the Tank Engine calendar for sale (with big Thomas pictures on the cover). He had to have it. I said no, and he had a cry; nothing too serious, but a cry nonetheless.

It was now 5:00pm. To try and get him in a good mood before going home I thought I’d take him into the Toy’s R Us across the parking lot. There is a large display of Thomas stuff there, and a table with a train set on it that kids can play with. I thought Nick might like that, and if he was good, I could add a Gordon to the set at home.

The playtime was great; leaving the store was not. Nick melted down. Screaming, kicking, and twisting when I picked him up. I tried for a little while to calm him down, but nothing was working. I ended up carrying him out of the store while he screamed in my ear. It was now 5:30pm - supper time. He calmed down on the drive home, ate supper, and was wonderful for the rest of the evening.

Part 3

Sunday afternoon I had a couple more chores to do with Nick. The first was to buy a new cordless drill at Princess Auto (don’t laugh at the name, the store is AWESOME!). The second task was to pick up a couple of things at The Home Depot.

Princess Auto was excellent. Nick was interested, engaged, and having a good time. The time was 4:40pm.

This is where the moment of learning takes place. As I began to drive towards the big orange box store I recalled the article I had read two days before. Then, I thought about the events at Toy’s R Us. I realized that Nick was likely tired, hungry, and bored when I took him to Toy’s R Us, and that the store, which is designed to stimulate children’s senses, probably pushed him over the edge. I’m sure that playing with the trains didn’t help. Nick was misbehaving, sure, but more importantly, I had placed him in a situation where a 19 month old child was destined to misbehave.

I made a decision. Instead of going to The Home Depot, we went to the playground near our house. We ran around the grass, went down the slide a few dozen times, and then tasted some rocks (hey, he’s 19 months old). It was great fun. Nick enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. We went home, had supper, a bath, and then went to bed. It was the perfect end to a perfect day.

Summary

Obviously, we can’t pass the blame for our children’s behaviour off on other things all the time. Sometimes, screaming because he wants a train and I won’t buy it for him is simply bad behaviour. However, it is possible that, at other times, parents need to take a share of the blame. The trick is knowing the difference. If we think our child is at fault too often we become nagging parents, the kind you see swearing at their kids in the mall. If we assume that external influences are to blame too often, we become the parents who make constant excuses for their kids and never let them take any responsibility for their actions.

As with most things, the key is to find the proper balance.

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There isn’t a parent out there who hasn’t made some mistakes. I don’t mean to pick on one individual, but at least you aren’t this guy:
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This is a really bad idea, folks. I know times are tough, but there has to be a better solution.

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One of the parenting challenges that is not often talked about is simply staying engaged as a parent. No Mom or Dad wants to admit that, sometimes, they just aren’t paying attention to their kids. You see it all the time in public places. Moms and Dads at the mall are often more interested in shopping than they are in paying attention to their kids.

I’m guilty of this from time to time, as we all are, but the rewards of staying engaged, and engaging our kids, are large.

Saturday night Nick and I were playing with a wooden cut-out puzzle; you know the type, a plywood board with animal shapes cut out of it, with little handles to manipulate the pieces. Nick was concentrating hard to get the frog back into its proper place when it suddenly popped back in. His look of earnest concentration changed into a smile instantly. BUT, when I took in a deep breath, opened up a huge smile and boomed out “Yeah Nicky! Good job! You are such a smart boy!!!” while clapping, his face changed again.

His smile grew exponentially, and his face took on an expression of absolute joy. You could tell that he was experiencing the warm feeling of pride glowing in his chest; it was written all over his face.

As parents, you know that there is nothing in the world that compares to the feeling I had seeing this. Of course, this feeling is not something you can plan, it is a reward for staying engaged; it is a reward for paying attention to your kid’s life.

That’s something for me to keep in mind the next time I notice I’m watching the Backyardigans a little more closely than he is.

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